Right now I’m reading a book on adultery.
Actually, let me go backwards and explain WHY I’m reading a book on adultery before we go any further…
Last week some one responded to my ‘Detach and Relax’ email by saying it sounded like something out of the book ‘Bringing up Bebe’. I didn’t think much of it until the following day I overheard two women talking about ‘Bringing up Bebe’ while I was sitting at Starbucks. Since I hate reading nutrition books, but wanted something new to read I figured, what the heck, and picked up a copy.
So what does a book on raising children have to do with adultery?
Well, in Bringing up Bebe the author recounts her story of raising her children in France while working on her first book. Her ‘first book’ being the one she was writing about the different views of adultery around the world. Now, adultery isn’t exactly a topic I’m interested in, but then again, neither was parenting help. However, the author (Pamela Druckerman) had such a great writing style with Bringing up Bebe that I decided to read her other book ‘Lust in Translation’.
(If this explanation sounds goofy to you imagine how my wife felt when she saw what I was reading)
OK… so now to my point.
The one thing I noticed in Lust in Translation is that the people interviewed in the book all talk about the damage done by the affair being from the act of betrayal. I found the description of this betrayal to be eerily familiar. This Betrayal is exactly how I think people who are overweight feel. Betrayed. Only they were betrayed by their bodies…by themselves.
I call this Body-Betrayal – The violation of the trust and confidence that you put into your body and the moral and psychological conflict that comes from this violation.
Despite where the betrayal came from, the feeling is the same. It’s a feeling that things will never be the same again, that your complete view of the world has been shattered. In other words, just like adultery, obesity is no joke. It hurts. It can be devastating. It can consume you, alienate you, and fill you full of self-doubt and remorse.
The good news is it is reversible. You can fix it.
Now, you may be wondering… why the heck are you telling me this?
Well for a couple reasons really. If you are overweight – I get it – I get how devastating it can be, but you can fix it. I also want to apologize that I spend most of my time talking about calories and hormones and the like, but rarely do I talk about the suffering and emotional issues that come along with having more body fat than you’d like.
In all honestly my background is in the ‘calories’ part, not the emotional side. So I can sympathize but can’t really give advice in this area. (When it comes to the calories side Eat Stop Eat is my best attempt to help with this, so if you’re interested check it out –> Eat Stop Eat.)
If you are NOT overweight – I have two things for you: Firstly Don’t become overweight. It sounds silly but just do yourself a favor and stay on top of it as best you can.
Secondly – Take it easy on people who are overweight. They have, and are, going through a lot. Support, not snide comments, is what it will take to help them on the path to recovery. I know it’s easy to take the ‘they brought this on themselves’ approach, but doing this helps no one. As illogical as it sounds, obesity can ‘sneak up on you’. and arguing over who’s fault it is gets us nowhere.
We need to see the problem, address the problem, then fix the problem. It takes a mind-shift, but it’s possible.
Getting over the body-betrayal is the hardest part. After that it’s a matter of finding the easiest way to eat less and move more. But I PROMISE you – pretending their isn’t a problem or wishing the problem will just magically go away is not going to help.
Bottom line is that the pain of betrayal can stay with you for years if you let it. If you are obese or are recovering from being obese it is something you will have to work at. But, it will also be worth it.
I don’t really know where else to go with this, just wanted to share – obesity is more than calories. While the physical solution is a calorie deficit, there is a large mental component that needs to be addressed, often even before we can address the physical side of things.
BP
