I’ve thought of about a million different ways to explain this…and the best I’ve come up with is a fictional story…
So here it goes.
Why Eat Stop Eat works well for women.
Janet first met Kevin when they were in College.
Kevin was 6’2″ and 205 pounds. While he wasn’t an ‘athlete’ he worked out regularly and maintained a fairly muscular build for his height.
Janet was 5’6″ and 135 pounds. In her youth she was involved in just about every sport imaginable. From field hockey and soccer to swimming and dance, Janet was active, as a result she had the typical ‘fit’ and athletic body that other women her age hated her for having!
Janet didn’t really have a weight issue during college. Sure, her weight increased and hovered around 140 pounds by her senior year, but for the most part she had it under control.
That is until she and Kevin got married and moved in together.
They both lived very busy lives, balancing there new careers with trying to maintain some sort of social life.
As a result, both Kevin and Janet ate out a fair bit. Nothing extreme, maybe 2 or 3 times per week.
When they were at home Kevin cooked them relatively healthy meals, and they almost always ate breakfast and dinner together.
after 4 years of marriage, Kevin still weighed about 205 pounds. Sure, there wasn’t quite as much muscle, and he was a little ‘softer’ around the stomach, but for the most part…not much had changed.
Janet on the other hand, hated her body.
Her once athletic build could now only be described at ‘thick’. She spent a great deal of time stressing over what she ate, making sure she ate enough protein, kept a close eye on her carbs and always took her fish oils pills.
Despite this, she was finding it a never ending battle to keep her weight below the dreaded 160 pound mark..but when work became stressful she could easily find herself in the mid 160′s.
Her breaking point was a couple days after last thanksgiving, when she actually weighed in with a night-time before-bed weight of 170 pounds.
To Janet this was devastating..and she was completely oblivious to why it was happening.
She had joined a gym, and even committed to going on nightly walks with Kevin, but to no avail.
Her friends said she ate too much sugar, but for the most part the meals that her and Kevin ate were very healthy.
She finally chalked it up to her metabolism. It simply must have slowed down.
It was probably all the stress at work..or maybe it was some rare hormonal thing she inhereted from her mother.
The truth?
Janet was putting on weight because she ate too much.
More specifically, she put on weight because she ate the same amount as Kevin.
They had the same size servings of almost everything they ate.
And since Kevin was (for the most part) maintaining a weight of around 200 pounds, and was just about as active as Janet, it meant that Janet was eating enough food to maintain a weight of…well..right around 200 pounds!
When they would go to the restaurant and order the same meal, Kevin didn’t get the ‘Big Guy’ serving size, while Janet got the ‘slim girl’ serving size…both plates looked identical.
When Kevin made them healthy omelets, he didn’t make one for himself then a half an omelet for Janet, he simply made two omelets.
This is the plight of women.
Most serving sizes in restaurants are too big for the average man, let alone a woman who is 4 inches shorter and 40-60 pounds lighter.
And, for the most part, when we are at home we don’t ‘downsize’ the portion sizes for the smaller person.
Even if we tried, we generally end up at some middle ground that is still a little too much for an average sized woman.
This is why Eat Stop Eat works so well for so many women. It gives you a chance to play a little catch up. Or more correctly to play a little ‘fall behind’.
It allows you to eat at a restaurant without having to leave 1/3 of your food on your plate.
You can eat at home with your family without cutting your chicken breast in half and giving it to the dog.
It is a dietary custom/portion size equalizer.
Food for thought.
BP
although fictional you described me (including the wake-up-call weight)! yesterday i completed my first 22h fast in ages, and i felt really good! so good in fact, i felt like an idiot for abandoning fasting for the latest diet philosophy. quitting eating (for 2 days a week) can be a bit like quitting cigarettes, there’ll be setbacks and one just has to try and try again and finally succeeds! the ocd mentality always comes up with more excuses for one to eat. i’ll be cleverer this time round and see the excuse for what it is, nobody has to feel stuffed 24/7, hunger can be really enjoyable. i’ll report back to you in 3 months and see how it goes.
Great information, Brad. The more I read about nutrition and dieting, the more I think Eat Stop Eat is the ultimate way to go. No complication: just great results.
Some people are very hesitant about fasting, but once they try it, I don’t think they’ll ever try anything else. : )
This post blew me away.
I guess it’s one of those ‘can’t see the forest for the trees’ sort of thing.
I’m a person who is ‘hovering’ on a weight I don’t want to be. After losing over 150lbs, I can’t seem to shed the last 20-30lbs despite not having changed my eating habits.
Portion sizes might be the problem. I eat primarily fatty meats (I’m Paleo), with a few veg, and I love my meat! When I eat a pork or beef steak I eat one the size of my plate.
LOL, major ‘ah-hah’ moment! Thx so much for this post!
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This IS my story – right down the exact weights. Hm. I think I should give this fasting thing a try.
Thanks Brad! This is an excellent point! And very true.
Nonsense!!
This is the “not my fault” culture. The women I’ve been with in my life easily made their own decisions about how much food they would eat. They didn’t need me to portion their plate accordingly, they were responsible women who would tell me how much they would eat and lo and behold, would even leave food on their plate when they’ve had enough or dump their left-overs on my plate. This is what people do who can actually think for themselves.
Very helpful story illustration. Thanks!
this is so true! we have perfect bodies until we “settle down”!
Wow – that is so true – my boyfriend is 6′ and a total ectomorph – he can stuff himself and still lose weight. I am always hungy and although active, gain weight – Have been doing Eat Stop Eat for about a month and lost a few pounds (which is more than I have lost on any other change in eating in the last couple of years)!!! This makes sense – I think there may be a difference in which meals you skip – not sure but Breakfast to Breakfast seems to work better for weight loss than Dinner to Dinner – does that make any physiological sense or is it just related to what I eat? Breakfast is usually a veggie omelet and a dinner at the end of a fast seems to be eat everything I can find (healthy food, but way too much of it).
Thanks for the reminder.
Although I am identical in height to my husband and have large bones, I once weighed the exact weight in your story. Although I continued to be active etc etc, my weight has crept up into the same area as my husband’s weight. In addition to the fact that we now eat the same amount (which is clearly more than I need), I also found we pace our eating around the same speed. If I am very conscious, I will slow down my rate of eating and will stop when my brain is able to tell me I am full. That and fasting periodically, I am able to get back on track for eating the amount my body actually needs.
Wow, have you been spying on my husband and I or what?? Lol After my first marriage ended and I started to focus on me, I lost 60 pounds EFFORTLESSLY by reducing calories, I never felt deprived at all. This wasn’t difficult at all to do. Fast forward 5 years, I am now remarried to a great guy who I dearly love. However, the demands of a husband and 2 more full time children in addition to my own two full time children has left us both un-pleasantly plump. I find myself trying to keep up with my husbands seemingly insatiable appetite. I also have found that if I want to spend some down-time with my husband we usually end up on the couch with the munchies and occasionally a glass or two of wine. I am fairly new to ESE but it works and I have sooo much energy when I am fasting. Seeing this in black and white makes me realize what areas I need to change, why couldn’t I see this before?
@Shawn
Wow, Shawn my friend you are on your own with this one.
I would agree if it was someone specifically using this is their excuse, but pointing out a societal factor would not really be “not my fault” culture if people now put it into action to avoid this issue.
In my view, it’s only “not my fault” culture if someone becomes aware of it, then continues to use it as a crutch.
BP
Yes – this has been a pattern for me too…not just the eating with the man but also the “vanity” cooking for a man..showing off my culinary brilliance, etc. etc. etc. The ESE really cuts the the overeating pattern and makes me feel more in control. Dinner to dinner fasts twice a week work best for me.
Best of Health,
Maureen
Tell me about it…word for word, you’ve described me!
Great food for thought – thanks
This actually happens to lots of people besides women and their significant others.
In general we get influenced by the people around us. I’ll bet you can all think of different people in your life that you eat differently around simply because that’s the way you two act when you’re around each other.
You probably have a couple friends who don’t eat much, and then a few other who crush it, and then there are the coffee drinkers and the snackers and so on.
Every time you engage in a social act of consumption you’re going to be influenced by those people around you…it all comes down to how much they end up influencing your behavior.
And lets not forget that we also influence them!
John
@Brad Pilon
Wouldn’t be the 1st time Brad I was on my own.
Wow man I never thought of it that way. You bring up a great point. My mom fasts 1-2 days/week for religious purposes and sometimes goes on week-long juice fasts but I still gotta see what kind of reaction this draws from her.
I “knew” this in a way. Of course, serving size is a biggie. But I have not been paying attention. This blog entry is so right on. When I fix a plate, I fix what I consider a “normal” serving. Which would be what I would serve anyone, man or woman. Duh! I need to be eating much less then an athletic tall man. (I am only 5’1″).
I also tend to eat out a lot and I know the serving sizes are too big but sometimes I eat it all anyway. I need to start getting a to go box at the beginning of the meal and put the part of the serving that is too much away.
So often I eat out when I am not going to be going home right after so I don’t think about a to go box. But if I “forget” the food, or just throw it away that is preferable to eating more then I need.
Shawn, I think you might have missed Brad’s point. Brad is simply pointing out that some women are not even aware of what their portion sizes are doing to them. The women you describe who leave food on their plate when they’ve had enough are possibly already there, have already realised that they don’t need to eat the same as everyone else.
I really don’t get why you said Brad’s ideas were nonsense?
Great post Brad. I plead guilty to giving my wife more food than she probably can safely consume when I’m cooking. She usually gets smaller portions than me, but given she’s considerably smaller (I’m 6’5 and 100kg, she’s 5’6 and about half my weight lol), the portion sizes should be a lot more different.
As an addition, I’ve just started with ESE 2 weeks ago and I’ve dropped 2% body fat (huge change because I’m now at 10% body fat) while gaining half a kilo of lean mass. But the really great thing is that I don’t have to stress about what or when I eat. Sure I eat healthily (no fast food or prepackaged food, minimal sugar drinks/food) but that’s because I normally eat that way. Yesterday was a fast day as well as legs day. Just as I finished my legs workout my brother asked me to join him in a soccer game and at the end of it all I still had plenty of energy! It was awesome. Thanks so much.
Yes…yes… Yes! You always have truly inspiring posts that hit home… Right in the GUT!…thanks as always
I also think that women can influence other women negatively when it comes to eating, in both directions (weight gain or loss).
I have a slender friend who used to work in an office with several women who were very overweight. They often remarked with a sigh that she was very ‘lucky’ to be slender and asked her for her secrets.
She told them a bit about how she ate but they didn’t pay much attention. Pretty much every day one of them would bring in a box or bag filled with very high-calorie treats (thickly frosted brownies, jumbo muffins, etc) which they would all enjoy … except her. She would usually politely decline.
Her co-workers were often dismissive when she declined, telling her that she should just ‘go ahead’ because she was slender and therefore had nothing to worry about. She still resisted, not because she was a saint and didn’t sometimes want those treats, she was *choosing* not to eat them and that was part of the reason *why* she was slender of course! She didn’t bother telling them this when they chided her because she had made her point so many times in different ways before and it was awkward and seemed to invite underhanded hostility from them even though she was always nice about it. This went on for some time and finally she left that office, quite relieved to be away from them.
What an eye-opener, thanx Brad. I’m divorced, so no significant other for me, but I dish up for my 18 yr old son, and it is basically the same story. I’ll definitely start dishing up mindfully. Rose, I think you have a great idea, getting the to go box before you start eating, thus making a conscious decision beforehand how much to eat and not just eating until you’re full and taking home the leftovers, if any.
Very insightful as usual, Brad! Oddly reassuring to women who are scratching their heads over the seeming “inequity” of it all! When we come to peace with this one, it’s a huge help.
I’ve always been amazed at how much the guys could pack away and be as lean as ever. Sometimes it catches up with them as they get older (and then they understand!) but that’s a whole other story!
I’m sure you’ve helped more than one woman (and maybe a guy or two?) with this post!
Lani
i personally dont really understand this one, i mean i get it but isnt she just lacking common sense? whenever my girlfriend and I go out for dinner or cook or even eat in, she always eats less than me and she most often orders something different. to me its just common sense.
[...] finally, this week, Brad Pilon of Eat Stop Eat reflects on some of the eating pitfalls we women deal with when we live with much larger men. Although Brad’s story is fictional, I know I’ve found myself in the exact same [...]
Great post as usual. I have a request though… Could you do a post about weight training for women? I know the main focus of your blog is nutrition, but it seems you have a lot of expertise in the exercise field as well. There is so much nonsense out there about what women should do to get “toned,” and half the time it’s doing cardio exercises, which of course are not the best way to lose fat, let alone build muscle! If you could give some basic tips on weight training for us girls that want to pack on a few pounds of muscle, I’d greatly appreciate it.
Best,
Alice
I really need to concentrate on fasting for 24hrs without thinking about food. Lately each day when I am about to start fasting then I think about food and then I just start eating. I think for me to be strict on myself I must just say I am going to start tomorrow ( and STOP postponing) Will let you know how it went ( crossing fingers that I do not backslide along the day, actually I AM GOING TO DO IT!!!! NO BACKSLIDING)
I think some of the women who “can actually think for themselves”, as Shawn put it, are some of the people that are more in tune with their feelings of hunger and satiety. The people that tend to be naturally lean. Sometimes that goes out the window when you fall in love.
@alfred
Well put Alfred.
@Kinder
Kinder, quick check – Have you read Eat Stop Eat? If you maybe give it another read and reassure yourself that you can learn about why you want to eat while you are fasting.
B
@Alice
Hi Alice,
Will do.
b
Hey.. I made it … 24hrs into Fasting no food.. only water and Black tea (no sugar in the tea). Hippy!!! Am on day two and 8hrs to go before I can break my fast… feeling slightly hungry.. BUT I am not GIVING UP!!!!! JUST 8 HRS TO GO!!!!!
HIPPY…. I FASTED FOR 2 DAYS… FEELING SO MUCH ENERGY IN MY BODY… THAT “SLUGGISH AND ALWAYS-FEELING TIRED” FEELING IS GONE. I WILL DO THIS EVERY WEEK….. 2 DAYS IN A WEEK IS ALL IT IS GOING TO TAKE!!!
THANKS BRAD!!!
@Lillea Woodlyns
Wow, this happens to me too. People don’t like it when you refuse the treats they really want to eat and not feel guilty about. I tell people it’s a health issue (I reversed pre-diabetes by losing weight, horrendous family history/personal bad lipid profile) and my appetite is so high I really have to fill up on lower calorie foods, that’s the only thing that ever worked for me or anyonw in my family, etc. Most of the time, I enjoy my blueberries and popcorn instead, but sometimes I can feel the emotions of deprivation rising up when someone literally waves a traditional “treat” food under my nose. My SON of all people, as well as a office colleague who also struggled to lose weight and even did a fitness boot camp did that to me!! I do actually wish I could fast, but through several past expereinces, I’ve learned not to keep trying that as it usually ends with a migraine/inability to functionat best and a trip to the ER at worst…
I agree wholeheartedly on what you are saying.. the portion sizes are just to big. We are a people that believes bigger is better and its starting to show around our bellies. If i am dining out, I will usually ask for a to go box and take once left. You don’t have to eat it all just because they give it to you.
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